In the midst of the storm...I will be still

"The blessing is not that God has promised to remove all obstacles and dangers. The blessing is that He is with us always, even in the midst of the storm."

Tuesday started like any ordinary day. The kids and I spent the early part of our morning playing with cars, barbies, and trains. We've adopted a routine where we have a good 45 minutes of pure play before we start our day and it really has proved to be a success! Normally after play time, I head upstairs and get ready; however, I felt "led" to fold laundry this particular morning (sounds strange I KNOW!) As I sat downstairs with the kids playing behind me, I was struck by a strange grunting noise and knew it came from Landon's direction. As I turned around, my world came to a complete stop. Landon was lying on the ground in a full seizure. His precious body was shaking and I felt like the most helpless mother. In a matter of seconds, Kennedy ran upstairs and grabbed my phone. I called 911 and the paramedics arrived within 5 minutes. I never felt pain like this before. It was a pain that I can't describe except to say that my heart literally felt like it was breaking. Questions surrounded me...why was this happening? what caused this? will my baby be ok? As the ambulance took us to the hospital, I prayed that God would be along side of us and He was! 

Landon's seizure lasted for about 1 minute and by the time we arrived at the hospital he was back to himself except for the normal exhaustion that follows a seizure. Numerous tests scan were performed including a cat scan and an EKG...all of which came back normal. We were discharged and left will instructions to follow up with a neurologist. While I felt like we were leaving with a lot of unanswered questions, I was hopeful that this next chapter would lead to answers about not only this seizure but possibly Landon's speech delay. 

Fast forward three days to Friday morning. 

This was Landon's last day of his speech therapy preschool and he was excited as ever to play with friends! I dropped him off and gave him the mommy smooch he adores. As Kennedy and I drove away, my mind was filled with all the "to-do's" to get accomplished before 12:30.  First stop was a doctors appointment where I naturally turned off my phone. As I left the doctors office around 10:00, I looked down at my phone only to find 15 missed calls and texts. My heart once again stopped. I knew it was Landon related. The first message revealed that Landon had another seizure and to call immediately. I cried out and as my emotions took over, Kennedy asked if Landon had another seizure and I knew in that moment I had to be as calm as I could. After talking to the paramedic over the phone, the plan was to meet Landon at INOVA Fairfax Children's Hospital. I called my friend Megs and as always, she was right along side of us helping us in any way she could. Papa Raftery was on his way as well and Jared was flying back from Norfolk, VA after a day trip. 

As they wheeled Landon into the hospital, my heart was heavy but he was alert and crying...I couldn't ask for more. I picked him up and held on to him as tight as I could. It was amazing to have him in my arms and I knew he felt safe in that moment. Shortly after we got to the ER, Papa Raftery and Jared arrived. It was comforting to have the support of grandpa and the love of my husband! 

The doctor decided to admit Landon to the pediatric unit in hopes of receiving an EEG which studies the brain waves for possible seizure tendencies. After a lot of waiting, they performed an EEG which revealed that Landon had seizure activity mainly on the left side of the brain which also controls speech. The neurologist sat and talked with us for a good hour about Landon's development, past history, and future plans. She decided to put him on medication for the time being in hopes that it suppresses the seizures. While she explained he could struggle with seizures for life, 75% of childhood cases grow out of them in 2-4 years. We are very optimistic and feel like we at least have more answers this time around. We also have a follow up appointment with our neurologist this Tuesday where we will discuss a variety of topics and future goals. 

One thing I've learned through these storms, is that God has not left our side. He was given us strength, wisdom, and protection. While I've never doubted His love, there have been times where I questioned why Landon has had these cards dealt to him. However, I know that despite my inner struggles of the "why's", He is there. Just as He has been here through everything. God continues to whisper that Landon is a gift. He is a blessing. He has amazing plans for him and I know that one day we will look back on these moments and be grateful for the challenge. 

In the midst of these storms...I will be still!

I want to say a special thank you to Ben and Meghan for being such great friends! We are blessed to have you all in our life!