Saturday, June 19, 2010

In the midst of the storm...I will be still

"The blessing is not that God has promised to remove all obstacles and dangers. The blessing is that He is with us always, even in the midst of the storm."




Tuesday started like any ordinary day. The kids and I spent the early part of our morning playing with cars, barbies, and trains. We've adopted a routine where we have a good 45 minutes of pure play before we start our day and it really has proved to be a success! Normally after play time, I head upstairs and get ready; however, I felt "led" to fold laundry this particular morning (sounds strange I KNOW!) As I sat downstairs with the kids playing behind me, I was struck by a strange grunting noise and knew it came from Landon's direction. As I turned around, my world came to a complete stop. Landon was lying on the ground in a full seizure. His precious body was shaking and I felt like the most helpless mother. In a matter of seconds, Kennedy ran upstairs and grabbed my phone. I called 911 and the paramedics arrived within 5 minutes. I never felt pain like this before. It was a pain that I can't describe except to say that my heart literally felt like it was breaking. Questions surrounded me...why was this happening? what caused this? will my baby be ok? As the ambulance took us to the hospital, I prayed that God would be along side of us and He was! 

Landon's seizure lasted for about 1 minute and by the time we arrived at the hospital he was back to himself except for the normal exhaustion that follows a seizure. Numerous tests scan were performed including a cat scan and an EKG...all of which came back normal. We were discharged and left will instructions to follow up with a neurologist. While I felt like we were leaving with a lot of unanswered questions, I was hopeful that this next chapter would lead to answers about not only this seizure but possibly Landon's speech delay. 

Fast forward three days to Friday morning. 

This was Landon's last day of his speech therapy preschool and he was excited as ever to play with friends! I dropped him off and gave him the mommy smooch he adores. As Kennedy and I drove away, my mind was filled with all the "to-do's" to get accomplished before 12:30.  First stop was a doctors appointment where I naturally turned off my phone. As I left the doctors office around 10:00, I looked down at my phone only to find 15 missed calls and texts. My heart once again stopped. I knew it was Landon related. The first message revealed that Landon had another seizure and to call immediately. I cried out and as my emotions took over, Kennedy asked if Landon had another seizure and I knew in that moment I had to be as calm as I could. After talking to the paramedic over the phone, the plan was to meet Landon at INOVA Fairfax Children's Hospital. I called my friend Megs and as always, she was right along side of us helping us in any way she could. Papa Raftery was on his way as well and Jared was flying back from Norfolk, VA after a day trip. 

As they wheeled Landon into the hospital, my heart was heavy but he was alert and crying...I couldn't ask for more. I picked him up and held on to him as tight as I could. It was amazing to have him in my arms and I knew he felt safe in that moment. Shortly after we got to the ER, Papa Raftery and Jared arrived. It was comforting to have the support of grandpa and the love of my husband! 

The doctor decided to admit Landon to the pediatric unit in hopes of receiving an EEG which studies the brain waves for possible seizure tendencies. After a lot of waiting, they performed an EEG which revealed that Landon had seizure activity mainly on the left side of the brain which also controls speech. The neurologist sat and talked with us for a good hour about Landon's development, past history, and future plans. She decided to put him on medication for the time being in hopes that it suppresses the seizures. While she explained he could struggle with seizures for life, 75% of childhood cases grow out of them in 2-4 years. We are very optimistic and feel like we at least have more answers this time around. We also have a follow up appointment with our neurologist this Tuesday where we will discuss a variety of topics and future goals. 

One thing I've learned through these storms, is that God has not left our side. He was given us strength, wisdom, and protection. While I've never doubted His love, there have been times where I questioned why Landon has had these cards dealt to him. However, I know that despite my inner struggles of the "why's", He is there. Just as He has been here through everything. God continues to whisper that Landon is a gift. He is a blessing. He has amazing plans for him and I know that one day we will look back on these moments and be grateful for the challenge. 

In the midst of these storms...I will be still!


I want to say a special thank you to Ben and Meghan for being such great friends! We are blessed to have you all in our life! 

14 comments:

Megs said...

Sam- I want to take all the hurt and pain away- I know the hardest part of all this as a parentis placing your trust in others and God and just say "Please heal my child"...
Landon is so blessed to have you and Jared as parents- he is loved, and I know you guys will continue to be on his side during this journey.
Lots of love to all five of you- take care of yourself and if you need a night out this week- i am a phone call away:)
Love,
Megs

Anonymous said...

It's hard to believe this beautiful little boy has to go thru this route but I feel that all your work as parents in helping him has led you to this week-this moment-how you found out just Monday about children with apraxia can also get seizures-reading Mason's story and knowing that you wanted Lucy A. Civitello, MD (Pediatric Neurologist-and she just happen to be the Dr on call when you went in So many prayers were said for Landon and I feel real positive you will get this solved I am so proud of you!

Donna said...

It's hard to believe this beautiful little boy has to go thru this route but I feel that all your work as parents in helping him has led you to this week-this moment-how you found out just Monday about children with apraxia can also get seizures-reading Mason's story and knowing that you wanted Lucy A. Civitello, MD (Pediatric Neurologist-and she just happen to be the Dr on call when you went in So many prayers were said for Landon and I feel real positive you will get this solved I am so proud of you!

Kimberly said...

Reading this post made my throat tight, my heart hurt and my arms want to wrap themselves around you and Landon! I can not imagine the helpless fear that surrounds you as a mother left to witness your child experiencing such a scary episode. Landon is in my prayers. The lord couldn't have provided him with two more amazing parents to walk him through this obstacle. Your outlook is inspirational and courageous. I'm in awe of you!

Anonymous said...

Dear Jared & Sam, Our prayers are with you and all your family. What a beautiful little boy you have. I am sure the good Lord will be looking over him & you during this trying time. I have often wondered what would we do if we did not have him to put our trust in. You are all in our thoughts prayers.

Anonymous said...

Our prayers are with you and all your family. What a beautiful little boy you have. I am sure the good Lord will be looking over him & you during this trying time. I have often wondered what would we do if we did not have him to put our trust in. You are all in our thoughts and prayer. LOVE----Alice

Beth said...

Sweet Sam...my heart just broke as I was reading this. I guess as moms we can just "feel" or at least quickly imagine how the moment you see your child in any sort of distress would feel. We love y'all so much and I hate now more than ever the miles that separate our families. We will join you in optimism and of course will immediately be praying for Landon's healing from this! BIG HUG to you and love to the whole family!! The Saxton's

Lauren Smith said...

WOW! ---Too much excitement for me --- BUT, only to KNOW the faithfulness of our God. ;)

Isn't life always full of surprises? Never knowing really what tomorrow may bring. Seeing that your strength, courage, trust and peace is found in the Lord, is such a comfort when we can't be there with you.

Sam, we we love and can't Thank You enough for taking the time to keep us posted on your life's roller coaster. You ARE the best Daughter-In-Law.
You know your all in our prayers.

Hey Landon, your are the CHAMP! Hang in there Buddy. AND ---
Happy Father's Day Jared. What a Super Dad!!!!!

Kitty said...

As tears well up in my eyes ... i believe too that God has a wonderful plan for Landon ... your faith has led you to someone who may have answers ... i love you raftery quint!

Renee said...

Samantha, I am praying for you and your beautiful family. I admire the way you are handling all this and trusting God.

Jessica said...

Our hearts and prayers will be with you and Landon. I admire your strength and faith and know that God will continue to be with you. Sending big hugs your way across the miles.

Jen said...

Oh Samantha, I'm so sorry to hear about this. Your family is in my prayers. Hope you continue to find answers! Love, Jen

Sam said...

THANK YOU!!! Thank you for everyones love and support. It's is through the love of family and friends that we can get through these difficult challenges!

ZOOMER said...

Having been out of town and not knowing about Landon, Tom and I want you both to know if you need anything, PLEASE let us know. We love all of you guys!!!!!!!!!! I have included Landon in my rosary (always go thru MOM - catholic thing) which is very effective trust me I know!!!!! Thanks also for the BLOG for keeping everyone informed...extra hug for Landon!!!
LOVE ZOOM/TOM